I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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