I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
