He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
