Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
