U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
