1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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