Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize