Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
