It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
