I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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