Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
this must be what syphilis tastes like
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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