So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize