Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
