it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
