Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
