Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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