I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
