You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Randomize
