Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Randomize
