I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
