remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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