What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
we made out on top of his cat.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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