i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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