I wish I could teleport
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
