I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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