I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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