i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
