I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
