all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
