Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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