i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
