i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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