I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
