Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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