There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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