So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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