omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
