Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Someone signed my nipple.
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