If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
