My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
