are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
