i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
