Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
