Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
