i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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