woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
