She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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