All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
