I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
