I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
