Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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