Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
