No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
