She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You're a waste of cheezeits
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
