All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I looked at my own cervix.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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