I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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