And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
