i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
