why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
