hell yes lets make some ravioli
it was like eating out sand paper
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
