Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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