You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
