haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
The Olympian is in my bed
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