ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
