I'm going to jail i love you
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
