Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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