this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize