Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
